Chapter 145 : Chapter 145 Laws Concerning Marriage

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§1

Every man is obligated to get married in order to fulfill the mitzvah of propagation. This mitzvah is incumbent on a man from the beginning of his eighteenth year¹Magid Mishnah rules that it means eighteen complete years.. At any rate, you should not pass your twentieth year without getting married. Only if you are diligently studying Torah and are afraid to marry in order not to be disrupted from learning Torah, are you permitted to delay marrying; and this is so, provided you are not overwhelmed with lustful desire.

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§2

When you have begotten a son and a daughter, you have fulfilled the mitzvah of propagation, provided the son is not impotent or the daughter sterile. If you had a son and a daughter who died, and they left surviving children, you have fulfilled the mitzvah of propagation. This is true only when the surviving grandchildren are a son and a daughter and were begotten from your son and your daughter, so that even if your son begot only a daughter, and your daughter begot only a son, since they come from your son and daughter, you have fulfilled the mitzvah of propagation. But if one of your children left no surviving children even though your other child left many surviving sons and daughters, you [the grandfather] have not fulfilled the mitzvah of propagation.

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§3

Even though you have fulfilled the mitzvah of propagation, you are forbidden to remain without a wife. You should marry a woman capable of bearing children if it is possible. But if you are aware that you are unable to have children, it is preferable that you marry a woman that is not able to bear children. Similarly, if you have many children, and you fear if you marry a woman capable of bearing children there will be bickering and quarrels between your children and your wife, you are permitted to marry a woman who is not capable of bearing children, but it is forbidden to remain unmarried because of this concern.

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§4

If a man takes a wife and she was with him ten years without bearing children, he should divorce her. Concerning this practice, there are many halachic details.

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§5

A woman is not commanded to fulfill the mitzvah of propagation. Nevertheless, she should not remain unmarried²Most poskim consider this a binding halachah but Be’er Hetev 1:27—considers this as just good advice. so as not to be subject to suspicion.

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§6

Every man should try to marry a worthy woman from a respectable family. The Jewish people have three traits: they are modest, compassionate, and benevolent. A person lacking these traits is not a commendable partner for marriage.

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§7

If a woman is suitable, even if you marry her because of her wealth, it is permitted, but only when the money is given willingly. But if you defer marriage and wait until you find a woman with the money you desire; or if you agreed to a marriage and was promised a great deal of money, and the promise was retracted, and you abandon your bride because of this, or you quarrel over this, you are referred to as "One who marries for money." You will have unworthy children, and will not be successful. Such a marriage will not be a happy one, for money that a man takes for marrying his wife is money not properly earned. But, rather, whatever is given to you by your father-in-law or mother-in-law you should accept graciously, and then you will be successful.

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§8

A man ignorant in Torah knowledge³The Chavos Yair Responsa 70 rules that this halachah does not apply to a man who is ignorant in Torah knowledge but only to one who also fosters an extraordinary contempt for Torah scholars. should not marry the daughter of a kohein for such a marriage will not be a happy one. A scrupulous person should be particular not to marry a woman who has the same name as his mother.⁴From the will of Rabeinu Yehudah Hachassid. When the situation arises, most authorities agree that it is sufficient to change the name of one of them by adding another name. Some prefer to change the names of both women.

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§9

It is a mitzvah to marry your sister's daughter or your brother's daughter. You should not marry any other relative, whether she is related to you or to your deceased or divorced wife, or she is related to the woman to whom you have given chalitzah,⁵Chalitzah means removing. Here it refers to a ritual that includes removing the sandal of her brother-in-law, in reference to the Law of Levirate. (Yevomah) without consulting an halachic authority

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§10

You should be ever careful to honor your wife, for blessing is not found in a person's home but for the wife's sake. And so the Sages said to the men of their time, "Honor your wives so that you may be blessed with wealth."⁶Maseches Baba Metziah (59a).

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§11

You may not dwell with your wife even for a short time without a kesubah.⁷Marriage contract. If the kesubah is lost you must be very concerned and go immediately to the Beis Din to write another kesubah for her.

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§12

A kohein is forbidden to marry a divorcée, a harlot, a chalalah⁸A chalalah is a woman who was born of a marriage between a kohein and a woman whom he was not permitted to marry, such as a divorcée etc. (see below) or one to whom chalitzah was given. A woman is considered a harlot in this instance even if she was forced to have illicit intercourse and is forbidden to a kohein. A chalalah is a woman born to a kohein who married a woman forbidden to him.

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§13

Any woman who was widowed or divorced must wait ninety days⁹This is a Rabbinic injunction designed to eleminate any chance of someone marrying his sister. This can happen if there is doubt as to who is really the father; the first or the second husband. This waiting period leaves no room for doubt. See Maseches Yevamos (41B). Beis Shmuel 13:1. excluding the day of her divorce or her husband's death and excluding her wedding day before marrying another man. This is the halachah even if she is a woman incapable of bearing a child. Even if her first husband was overseas; or incarcerated in prison, it makes no difference. Even if she miscarried in the interim, it is to no avail. She is forbidden even to get engaged [during this waiting period,] unless her intended husband vows not to enter her house during this waiting period. But one who remarries his divorcee need not wait.

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§14

If the aforementioned woman is pregnant or is nursing an infant, she may not marry another man until the child is twenty four months old. Even if she gave birth after she was divorced or widowed and has not yet begun to nurse, she must wait. If a very important matter is involved, they should consult an halachic authority.

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§15

A woman whose two husbands died, should not marry a third one¹⁰It is a sign that perhaps this woman’s lot causes her husbands to die. without consulting an halachic authority.¹¹Much depends on the circumstances surrounding their deaths.

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§16

If a woman heard that her husband died in some other place, even if she heard this from many trustworthy men, she should not remarry without consulting an halachic authority.

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§17

If a man is suspected of committing adultery with a married woman, and her husband divorced her or died, she is forbidden to [marry] that suspected man,¹²This is a Biblical ordinance, and refers only when her husband had warned her that she not dare be alone with that man, and she was caught being alone with him. Although there were no witnesses that actual adultery had been committed, nonetheless, she is called a sotah and is forbidden to her husband (until she is proven innocent by the ritual involving drinking the Sotah water in the Beis Hamikdash). Subsequently, she is also forbidden to the suspect even after she is divorced or widowed. for just as she became forbidden to her husband, so too she is forbidden to the one who committed adultery with her. Even if her husband divorced her only because of improper conduct that was rumored about her regarding that suspected man, the suspect is forbidden to marry her.¹³In this case it is a Rabbinic injunction.

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§18

One who is suspected of having intercourse with a non-Jewess, who subsequently converted to Judaism, is forbidden to marry her.

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§19

A non-Jew who had intercourse with a Jewess, and subsequently converted to Judaism, is forbidden to marry her.

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§20

If one divorces his wife so that she can marry a particular man, even though he did not expressly make this conditional but it is evident that this is the objective of the divorce, it is forbidden for that individual to marry her.

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§21

Those women whom the Sages, of blessed memory, have forbidden one to marry, may not dwell even in the closed alley in which he dwells.

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§22

If a man heard that his wife committed adultery, even though he is not certain about it, he must consult an halachic authority if he is permitted to live with her.

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§23

It is not befitting for a respectable man to marry a woman who was divorced because of immodesty.

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§24

If a woman has bad character traits such as a quarrelsome disposition, or she is not modest as are respectable Jewish women, it is a mitzvah to divorce her, even if it is the first marriage.

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§25

The Sages have ordained that a man should marry off his sons and daughters when they reach maturity, for if he neglects to do so they may be tempted into prostitution, or to have lewd thoughts. Concerning this it says, "And you shall visit your habitation and you will not sin."¹⁴Job 5:24 נָוְךָ “Your habitation” refers to your wife. Also the Sages commanded the Bnei Yisrael, that whoever sees that his wife is not conducting herself properly, and is somewhat intimate with other men, he should admonish her and caution her, privately, gently, and in a pure way, to prevent her from stumbling, and to influence her to conduct herself properly. But he should not say to her expressly, "Do not meet in private with so and so." (You should not say this) even privately, (since presently we do not have Mei sotah¹⁵See note 12. this can lead to serious problems). If you are not strict with your wife and your children, and all the members of your household to caution them and to constantly supervise their conduct until you are confident they are perfectly free of sin and iniquity, you are considered a sinner. For it is said, "And you shall know that peace is in your tent and you shall visit your habitation and not sin."¹⁶Job 5:24. However, if there is no peace in your home, you will have then sinned.

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§26

It is forbidden to perform the marriage ceremonies of two brothers or of two sisters in the same day, because you may not join one festive event with another. Some [authorities] say that you may not perform both ceremonies even in the same week,¹⁷Taz 548:1—Rabbeinu Yehudah Hachassid. See Sha’ar Hatziyun 546:3 who rules against this opinion, for Rashal stated it is a printing error as it contradicts the Talmud that permits one to marry less than a week before Yom Tov. and they bring proof [of this from the marriage] of our father, Yaakov. For it is written, "Fulfill the week of this one."¹⁸Genesis 29:27.