Chapter 29 : Moral and Ethical Rules Which a Person Should Adopt.

---

§1

People are divided by their opinions (meaning by their nature). Some are irritable and always angry. Others are stable in temperament and never become angry, or if he (is provoked into becoming) angry, it is only one time in many years. Some people are very proud, while others are very humble. Some are controlled by desire and will never be satisfied in their search for pleasure. Others have very pure hearts and will not desire even the smallest things (the basic necessities) that the body needs. Some are greedy and will not be satisfied with all the money in the world, as it is stated: ¹ "One who loves money will never be satisfied with money." Others seek little. A small amount, is enough for them, less than they really required, and they will not pursue to get enough for their needs. There are miserly people who starve themselves and are tightfisted; whatever they (spend for) what they eat is done begrudgingly. Others spend their money lavishly. The same applies with regard to other traits. There are those who are lighthearted and those who are melancholy; hardhearted and easygoing, cruel and merciful, timid and courageous, and the like.

---

1. Ecclesiastes 5:9.

---

§2

The good and proper path which a person should train himself to follow is the middle way. He should not desire (anything) except those things which his body needs and can not exist without, as as it is said: ¹ "The righteous eat to satisfy their soul." Similarly, he should not be involved in his business except (what is necessary) to provide for his immediate necessities as as it is said: ² "The little a righteous man possesses is good." He should not be either overly tightfisted or overly generous. Rather, he should give charity according to his means, and lend an appropriate amount to those who need. He should not be overly joyous or lighthearted, nor sad and melancholy. Rather, he should always be happy, gentle, and friendly. The same applies with regard to other traits. A person who follows the middle path is considered wise. ³

---

1. Proverbs 13:25.
2. Psalms 37:16.
3. This and the previous law are a summary of the first chapter of the Rambam's Hilchot De'ot.

---

§3

Pride is an extremely wicked quality, and man is forbidden to display it even slightly. Rather, one should train himself to be humble, as our Sages, may their memory be for a blessing, commanded: ¹ "Be very, very humble." How can one train himself to be humble? One should always speak gently. One's head should be bent over with one's eyes pointed downward, but one's heart should be directed upward. One should regard everyone else as greater than himself. If the other is a greater Torah sage than him, one is obliged to honor him. If the other person is wealthier than you, you are also obliged to honor him, as we find: ² "Rabbi (Yehuda Hanasi) would honor the rich." One should think that since G-d, the Blessed, granted him wealth, he is surely worthy of it. If the other is on a lower level, either in wisdom or wealth, one should consider him more righteous. Since, he (is less learned), should he commit a sin, נחשב כשוגג ואונס it is considered to be inadvertent and involuntary. However, when one commits a sin oneself, it is (considered to be) deliberately. If one always thinks this way, he will never be proud and will prosper.

---

1. Avot 4:4.
2. Eruvin 86a.

---

§4

Similarly, anger is an extremely wicked trait which a person should keep far from. He should train himself not to become angry, even over things which rightfully (cause him) to be angry. If he has to cast fear over his children and the members of his household, he should appear before them (as if) angry, to admonish them; but, he should be settled, in his own heart. It is said ¹ that Elijah the prophet told Rabbi Yehudah, the brother of Rav Sallah, the pious, (Aramaic - trans. follows) ("Do not become angry, for anger will lead to sin.") (Aramaic - trans. follows) ("Do not become intoxicated") and (then) you will not sin. Furthermore, our Sages said, ² of blessed memory: "Whoever becomes angry is considered as one who serves idols." and:"All types of Gehinnom rule him", ³ as it is said: ⁴ 'remove anger from your heart, and (thus) remove evil from your flesh.' and there is no 'Evil' except Gehinnom, as it is said: ⁵ 'even the wicked for the evil day.'" Those who are constantly angry, their lives are not really living. Therefore, (our Sages) commanded us to keep away from anger to the extent where we make ourselves unresponsive even to matters which provoke anger. This is a good path and the path of the righteous, who are insulted but do not insult others, who hear others shame them and do not respond. They act out of love and are happy when suffering. about them it ⁶ says: "Those who love Him are as the sun as it goes forth in its might". ⁷

---

1. Berachot 29b.
2. Shab. 105b; Zohar, Bereshit.
3. Nedorim 22a.
4. Ecclesiastes 11:10.
5. Proverbs 16:4.
6. Judges 5:31.
7. Shabbat 88b.

---

§5

A person should always try to keep silent. He should speak only about the words of Torah or about things that are necessary for his existence. Even with regard to these basic neccessities, he should not talk too much. Already said our Sages, of blessed memory: ¹ "Whoever talks too much brings on sin." And they taught: ² "I have found nothing for one's person better than silence." Ravvah (is quoted) ³ as saying: What is the meaning of: ⁴ "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" - one who desires life, (must realize that it is dependent) on the tongue; one who desires death, (must realize that it is dependent) on the tongue.

---

1. Avot 1:17.
2. ibid.
3. Arachin 15b.
4. Proverbs 18:21.

---

§6

A person should never be given over to frivolity and jest; nor to sadness and melancholy. Rather, he should be happy. So (our sages) of blessed memory, said: ¹ "Frivolity and lightheadedness accustom a person to lewdness." Also a person should not be greedy, overanxious about money, or sad and idle. Rather, he should have a pleasant disposition, minimizing his business activity in order to study Torah. The little which is granted him should make him happy, as said our sages, of blessed memory: ² "Envy, lust, and desire for honor drive a person out of this world." A person should separate himself from them. ³

---

1. Avot 3:17.
2. Avot 4:28.
3. See ibid., Ch. 2.

---

§7

Perhaps, a person would say: "Since envy, lust, the desire for honor and the like are an evil path and 'drive a person out of the world,' I will separate myself from them to a great extent and go to the other extreme - i.e., I will not eat meat, nor drink wine, nor marry a woman, and not live in a pleasant home, nor wear attractive clothing. Rather, I will wear sackcloth..." - This is also an improper path and is forbidden to be followed. A person who follows such a path is called a sinner, for it is written of a Nazarite: ¹ "And it will atone for him, for having sinned against his soul..." and said our sages, of blessed memory: ² "Behold, if a Nazarite who did not separate himself except from wine, requires atonement, one who abstains from everything, how much more so." Accordingly, have commanded our Sages, of blessed memory, that a person should not refrain from (indulging) anything except those things which the Torah has forbidden to us, and not to forbid to himself, through oaths and vows, any permitted things. So said (rhetorically, our sages) of blessed memory: ³ "Is it not enough for you what the Torah has forbidden? Why have you forbidden to yourself the permitted things?" And forbade our Sages, of blessed memory, a person to afflict himself with fasts above those that are customary. Concerning all these matters and the like, said King Solomon, may he be in peace: ⁴ "Do not be overly righteous, nor too wise. Why should you destroy yourself?" and he (also) said: ⁵ "Balance your foot's path and firmly establish all your paths." ⁶

---

1. Numbers 6:11
2. Ta'anit 11a.
3. Jer. Talmud, Nedorim 9.
4. Ecclesiastes 7:16.
5. Proverbs 4:26.
6. See ibid., Ch. 3.

---

§8

We have already quoted ¹ the statement of Yehudah ben Tema: "Be bold as a Leopard...," which (teaches us) not to be embarrassed before people who mock those who serve the Creator, blessed be His name. However, in any case, one should not reply to them with scorn, so that we don't acquire a tendency towards insolence even in matters unrelated to His service, blessed be His name.

---

1. Ch. 1:3.

---

§9

Similarly, one should not quarrel over a mitzvah - e.g., who will lead the prayers (as chazan), or who will get an aliyah, and the like. We find a parallel (in the Temple) with the showbread. Even though it was a mitzvah to eat it, it is related ¹ that the modest would withdraw their hands, while the gluttons would grab (their portion) and eat.

---

1. Yoma 39a.

---

§10

It's human nature for one's behavior to be influenced by one's associates, friends, and neighbors. Therefore, a person needs to associate with the righteous and always sit with the wise in order to learn from their deeds. He should stay far from the wicked, who walk in darkness, so that he will not learn from their actions. As King Solomon said, may he be in peace: ¹ "One who walks with the wise becomes wise, while one who associates with fools will suffer harm." Similarly, it is said: ² "Happy is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked..." If one lives in a city whose leaders are wicked and whose inhabitants do not follow a just path, one should go away from there, to live in a city whose inhabitants are righteous and follow the proper paths.

---

1. Proverbs 13:20.
2. Psalms 1:1.

---

§11

It is a positive mitzvah to cling to Torah Sages in order to learn from their deeds, as it was said: ¹ "Cling to Him." "Is it possible for a person to cling to the Divine Presence?" ² but thus interpreted (the verse) our sages, of blessed memory: cling to the Torah Sages. Therefore, a person should try to marry the daughter of a Torah Sage, or marry his daughter to a Torah Sage, and to eat and drink with a Torah Sage, to do business together with a Torah Sage, and associate with them in every possible manner, as was implied: ³ "cling to Him." Also commanded our sages, of blessed memory, and said: ⁴ "Sit in the dust at their feet; and drink in their words thirstily."

---

1. Deuteronomy 10:20.
2. Ketuvot 111b asks rhetorically.
3. Deuteronomy 11:22.
4. Avot 1:4.

---

§12

It is a mitzvah on every individual to love each and every Jew as one loves one's own body, as it is said: ¹ "Love your colleague as yourself." Therefore, one should speak favorably of him and care for his property (and honor) as one cares for his own property, and wants for his own honor. One who seeks to glorify himself through his friend's dishonor; even though his friend is not present and no shame will reach him; and nothing (was said explicitly) to discredit him, but rather, one merely compared his own good deeds and wisdom, against the deeds of his friend or his wisdom, in a manner that will cause all to consider that he is honorable and his friend shameful; will not receive a share in the world to come unless he fully repents.

---

1. Leviticus 19:18.

---

§13

Any one who hates a fellow Jew in his heart violates a negative command, as it states: ¹ "Do not hate your brother in your heart." If one is wronged by someone, one should not despise him, but should remain silent. As it is said, (even) among the wicked: ² "Avshalom did not speak (at all) to Amnon, neither good nor bad, for Avshalom hated Amnon." Rather, it is a mitzvah for him to confront (the person) and ask him: "Why did you do to me such and such?" "Why did you wrong me in this way?" as it says: ³ "You shall surely rebuke your friend." If the latter repents and asks one to forgive him, one should forgive him and not be cruel, as it is said: ⁴ "And Abraham prayed to G-d... (healed Avimelech)." In the Avot d'Rabbi Natan (relates): (end of Ch. 11) What is meant by "hatred of the creations?" To teach that a person should not say: "I will love the wise and hate the students, love the students and hate the unlearned." Rather, one should love them all and hate the nonbelievers, those who entice others to worship false gods, and also the informers. Similarly, (King) David proclaimed: ⁵ "Those who hate You, G-d, I will hate, and with those who rise against You will I take issue. I hate them with the most utter hatred. They have become my foes." ⁶ For is it not said: "Love your neighbour as yourself, I am G-d." What is the reason (one should love a neighbour)? because I have created him. Hence, if he follows the practices of your people, you should love him. If he does not, you need not love him.

---

1. Leviticus 19:17.
2. II Samuel 13:22.
3. Leviticus 19:17.
4. Gen. 20:17.
5. Psalms 139:21,22.
6. Even in such a situation, our hatred should not be directed against the persons themselves, but against their sins (Tanya, Ch. 32).

---

§14

It is forbidden for a person to pray for Divine retribution against a friend who has wronged him. This applies only when the issue cannot be settled in an earthly court. Whoever calls out against a friend will be punished first himself. Some say that even when the issue cannot be settled by an earthly court, it is forbidden to pray for (Divine) retribution unless one warns him (the person) first. It is forbidden for a person to pray for Divine retribution against a friend who has wronged him. This applies only when the issue cannot be settled in an earthly court. Whoever calls out against a friend will be punished first himself. Some say that even when the issue cannot be settled by an earthly court, it is forbidden to pray for (Divine) retribution unless one warns him (the person) first.

---

§15

One who sees that a friend has sinned or is proceeding on an improper path is commanded to try to return him to the correct behavior, and to inform him that he is sinning by his wicked acts, as we are commanded: ¹ "You shall surely rebuke your friend". One who rebukes a friend, whether about wrongs committed between man and man or about wrongs committed against G-d, should rebuke him in private. He should speak to him gently, in a soft tone. He should explain to him that he is saying these things only for his benefit, to allow him to acquire a portion in the world to come. Whoever has the opportunity to protest (against the committing of a sin) and fails to do so is considered responsible for that sin, since it was possible for him to protest. ²

---

1. Leviticus 19:17.
2. And he did not.

---

§16

The above applies when one feels that he will be listened to. However, if one knows that he will not listen, it is forbidden to rebuke him, ¹ as Rabbi Illai said in the name of Rabbi Eliezer, (the son of) Rabbi Shimon: ² "Just as it is a mitzvah for one to make a comment which will be heeded, it is a mitzvah for one not to make a comment which will not be heeded." Rabbi Abba said: "It is an obligation (to remain silent), as it is said: ³ 'Do not rebuke a jester, lest he scorn you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you'"

---

1. This applies only when the prohibition is not explicit and obvious in the Torah. However, in the latter case one is obligated to rebuke a colleague, even when it is likely that the rebuke will not be heeded. (Shulchan Aruch HaRav 608:5, Mishna Berurah 608:7,8).
2. Yevomot 65b.
3. Proverbs 9:8.

---

§17

One is forbidden to embarrass his friend, whether by one's statements or by one's deeds. Surely this applies in public. Commented our Sages, of blessed memory: ¹ "A person who embarrasses a friend in public will not receive a portion in the world to come." Further said our sages, of blessed memory: ² It is preferable for a person to allow himself to be thrown into a fiery furnace than to embarrass his friend in public, as is related: ³ "She was being brought out (to be executed) and she sent the (articles) to her father-in-law, saying: 'By the man to whom these belong, was I made pregnant.' She did not explicitly tell him (that he was responsible), rather just hinted, (thinking): 'If he admits, fine. If not, I will not publicize the matter.' " Therefore, a person should take great care not to embarrass his friend in public, whether great or small. Similarly, he should not refer to him by a name which will embarrass him, or relate, in front of him, something which will embarrass him. Even if he has wronged him and must rebuke him, he should not shame him, as it is said: ⁴ "Do not bear a sin because of him." The above applies to matters between man and man. However, with regard to matters (between man) and G-d, if a person does not repent after being rebuked privately, he may be shamed in public and his sin should be publicized. He may be shamed to his face, disgraced, and curse him until he improves his behavior; as the prophets did to the Jews. This is not (considered) as vexing (a person) through speech, For (that prohibition) is stated: ⁵ "Do not wrong your colleague." And interpreted our sages, of blessed memory: ⁶ "your colleague" to be "a person who joins you in Torah and mitzvot." The Torah forbids wronging such a person, and not one who transgresses the mitzvot and does not repent after being rebuked privately in a gentle manner.

---

1. Bava Metzia 58b.
2. ibid. 59a.
3. Genesis 48:25 about Tamar and Yehuda.
4. Leviticus 19:17.
5. Leviticus 25:17.
6. Bava Metzia 59a.

---

§18

When a friend has wronged a person and the latter does not desire to rebuke him or speak to him at all, but rather to forgive him in his heart, without bearing a grudge or rebuking him - this is a trait of the pious. The Torah only mentioned (rebuke) lest a person bear a grudge. When a friend has wronged a person and the latter does not desire to rebuke him or speak to him at all, but rather to forgive him in his heart, without bearing a grudge or rebuking him - this is a trait of the pious. The Torah only mentioned (rebuke) lest a person bear a grudge.

---

§19

A person must take great care with (regard to) orphans and widows, to speak to them only gently, to treat them with honor and not to cause them pain, even by (just) words, for their souls are very downcast and their spirits low. This applies even if they are wealthy. Even with the widow of a king or his orphans, we are warned about them (not to mistreat them) as it is said: ¹ "Do not vex any widow or orphan." He has established a covenant with them, who spoke and thus brought the world into being: Whenever they call out because of a wrong done to them, they will be answered, as (the Torah) continues: ² "if he cries out to Me, I will surely hear his call." The above applies when one vexes them for one's own benefit. However, if a teacher reprimands them in order to teach them Torah, or a profession, or in order to direct them towards proper behavior, then this is allowed. Nevertheless, (even in these cases), one should direct them gently and with great mercy, for it states: ³ "G-d will plead their cause." The same whether orphaned from his father or orphaned from his mother. Until when are they considered orphans in this regard? Until they are able to tend to all their needs by themselves, like all other adults.

---

1. Exodus 22:21.
2. ibid. 22.
3. Proverbs 22:23.

---

§20

A person should be careful not to do anything that will make him suspect of having committed a sin (even though he has not committed it). Thus, it is related ¹ that the priest who takes (to buy sacrifices) money from the Temple treasury would not enter wearing a garment in which anything could be hidden, for a person must satisfy his obligations toward humanity as well as those owed G-d, blessed be He, as it is stated: ² "and you shall be guiltless before G-d and before Israel." Similarly, it is stated: ³ "You shall find grace and favor in the eyes of G-d and of men."

---

1. Shekalim 3b.
2. Numbers 32:22.
3. Proverbs 3:4.

---

§21

It is a pious quality not to accept a present, but rather to trust that G-d will provide enough of one's needs, as it is said: ¹ "He who hates presents shall live."

---

1. Proverbs 15:27.