Chapter 165 : Chapter 165 The Training of Children

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§1

Every¹Some say every mother too. See Mishna Berurah 343:5. Others say if he has no father, his mother and Beis Din are responsible to train him. (see Mishna Berurah 640:5) father is obligated to train his young children²After his Bar Mitzvah, you are as responsible for him as you are for your fellow Jew and must reprimand him when necessary and direct him to do what is right. (see Mishna Berurah 225:7) in the practice of all the mitzvos, both Biblical mitzvos, and mitzvos that are Rabbinically ordained. They should be trained to do each mitzvah, in accordance with his or her intelligence. It is also his obligation to prevent them from doing any forbidden act,³Even from violating a Rabbinic injunction. as is said in the Scriptures, "Train a child in the way he should go,"⁴Proverbs 22:6. etc. If words are of no avail, you should chastise him with a rod, or the like. But you should not strike him severely as some fools do; a wise person will act intelligently. It is especially important to watch that they tell no lies,⁵The Gra, in his Igeres, says to deal severely with children when they tell a lie. and to train them to speak the truth, and to avoid oaths. The above things are mandatory upon fathers as well as teachers.

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§2

The time for training a child in the performance of positive commandments is set for each child according to his wisdom and understanding. For example, when he knows the significance of Shabbos, it is his duty⁶Some say that it is not the child who is obligated, but, rather, it is the father who has the obligation to train him. Rashi, Meseches Berachos 48a. However, Tosafos disagrees and maintains that the child, too, is obligated to keep the mitzvos. to hear kiddush and havdalah, and other similar things. Training the child to keep the prohibitive commandments, whether Biblical or Rabbinical, applies to every child, who understands when he is told that something is forbidden to do or forbidden to eat.⁷If he does not have this much understanding, you do not have to stop him from acts that violate those mitzvos. (Mishna Berurah 343:2) Young children should be trained to answer Amein in the synagogue, and to participate in other aspects of synagogue prayer. From the time a child answers Amein [to a berachah] he has a share in the World to Come.⁸Ramah (Orach Chaim) 124:7. They must be trained to behave in the synagogue with awe and reverence. Children who run about to and fro, and disturb the prayers, should not be brought to the synagogue.⁹Magain Avraham 124:11.

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§3

Even one who is not the father of the child is forbidden¹⁰See Mishna Berurah 343:4. to give him¹¹Placing it in front of them is like feeding them according to Magein Avraham 616:2. Zichron Yosef, Responsa disagrees. On a fast day, it is best that children take their own food. forbidden food to eat, or to tell him to do something that is forbidden. According to most poskim, it is forbidden to give him food that is Rabbinically prohibited, or to command him to do something that is Rabbinically prohibited. If the child is somewhat ill and must eat forbidden food, he may be fed by a non-Jew with food which was forbidden only by Rabbinic Law.

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§4

Something which is not forbidden in and of itself, but is forbidden because of the special day, is not included in the mitzvoh of training. Therefore, it is permitted to give a child food, to eat before kiddush even though it is your duty, to train him to make kiddush, but it is forbidden to give him food [to eat] outside the sukkah. Only (in cases like) not eating before kiddush, which is similar to a negative commandment, since it is forbidden to eat before kiddush, is the law more lenient; but where a violation of a positive command is involved, it is forbidden to give it to him.

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§5

It is forbidden to tell a child even if he is under the age of nine, to carry anything out on Shabbos, even for the purpose of doing a mitzvah, like taking a Siddur (prayer book) or a Chumash (Bible) to the synagogue, or similar things.¹²However, if it is for the child’s own benefit, as for example if he will use the Siddur or Chumash to read or pray with, it is permitted (Biyur Halachah 243) as long as it is not a public domain by Torah standards.

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§6

If a child steals something, if it is still intact, you are obligated to return it; but if it is no longer intact, he is legally exempt from making restitution even after he becomes of age. But in order to fulfill his obligation before the judgement in Heaven, he must make restitution when he becomes of age. Similarly, if he committed other sins in his youth [before Bar Mitzvah], it is advisable that he accept upon himself some sort of repentance when he reaches an age of understanding. Concerning this it is said, "For the soul to be without knowledge is not good."¹³Proverbs 19:2.

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§7

You should not threaten a child that you will hit him after a while, but if you see him misbehave, either hit him at once or ignore it. A story is told about a child who ran away from school, and his father threatened to hit him.¹⁴Maseches Semachos Chapter 2. The child committed suicide. Our Rabbis, of blessed memory, said,¹⁴Maseches Semachos Chapter 2. In dealing with your impulse, your child or your wife; your left hand should repel [reject] and your right hand should bring near [accept]. You should not threaten a child with an unclean object.¹⁵See Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 33:14.

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§8

Halachically, it is permitted to allow a Jewish child to be nursed by a gentile woman. Nevertheless, if it is possible to have him nurse from a Jewess, you should not let him nurse from a gentile, for it dulls the spiritual sensitivities of the heart, and causes bad temperament. Also, a Jewish woman who is nursing and must eat forbidden foods as a remedy for illness, if possible, she should not nurse the child on those days.

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§9

Every father is obligated to teach his son Torah, as it is said, "And you shall teach them to your children to speak of them."¹⁶Deuteronomy 11:19. Just as it is a mitzvah to teach your son, so too it is a mitzvah to teach your son's son, as it is said,¹⁷Deuteronomy 4:9. "And you shall make them known to your sons and to your son's son.¹⁸Maseches Kidushin 69b.

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§10

As soon as the child begins to talk, you should teach him (the verse), "The Torah that Moses has commanded us is a heritage for the community of Jacob,"¹⁹Deuteronomy 33:4. and, also the verse of Shema Yisrael²⁰Deuteronomy 6:4. etc. (However you must be very careful that the child is clean when you are teaching him.) Likewise you should teach him other verses little by little, until he is strong enough to attend school, at which time you should engage a teacher for him. You should be careful to choose a teacher who is God-fearing, in order that he accustom the child from his youth to be God-fearing. When the child has advanced to the study of the Scriptures, it is customary to begin teaching him the Sidrah of Vayikra, which is the Sidrah containing the laws of sacrificial offerings, for our Sages of blessed memory said, Let those who are pure (the children) come and engage in the study of purity.²¹Midrash (Vayikra 6:3).

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§11

The teacher must teach the children the entire day and part of the evening, in order to train them to study Torah by day and by night. He must not interrupt the childrens' learning except on erev Shabbos and on erev Yom Tov at the end of the day. The children are not to be interrupted from their learning even for the purpose of building the Beis HaMikdosh

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§12

A teacher who leaves the children to themselves and goes out, or does some other work with them, or who teaches carelessly, is included in, "Cursed be he who does the work of God with a slack hand."²²Jeremiah 48:10. Therefore, you should appoint as a teacher, only a person who is God-fearing, fluent in his reading as well as exacting. A teacher should not stay awake at night more than necessary, so that he will not be lazy while teaching during the day. He should also not fast or eat and drink too sparingly. Nor should he eat and drink excessively, for all these things prevent him from teaching efficiently. Any teacher who deviates from these rules, forfeits his rights and should be dismissed.

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§13

A teacher should not strike his pupils as one strikes an enemy, [or with] malice and cruelty, nor with a whip or a stick, but with a light strap.

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§14

You should not teach the children anything new on Shabbos, i. e. something they have never learned before, because it is too burdensome to do on Shabbos. But something they once read, should be reviewed with them on Shabbos.

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§15

If a minor finds something, and certainly if someone gave him something as a gift, it is forbidden to rob him of it.

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§16

You may not give a Jewish child to a non-Jew to instruct him in reading and writing or to teach him a trade, and needless to say, that it is forbidden to give him to a Jewish heretic, which is much worse (than giving him to a non-Jew), for there is concern the child may follow in his footsteps.